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It’s 3 AM and once again, I’m sitting alone in my room, unable to sleep on a Friday night. I feel so fucking alone.
What just made it 1000x worse is that I just got a video of three of my best friends at one of my other best friends house and all of them hanging out together… but I wasn’t invited and I didn’t even know they were hanging out tonight. And it’s not like it would’ve been just them four for any specific reason.
I kind of want to ask the friend who sent me the video but I don’t know.
My heart is just slowly sinking.
I feel like I don’t have any true best friends right now. I like my friends. But I don’t have real ones.. I mean… I don’t even know how to describe it. But the only person I feel like I have is my mom, and she’s great… but that sometimes doesn’t feel like enough. Like right now when she’s asleep.
FML.
It’s 2 AM and I can’t sleep. My sleeping schedules are getting way out of whack. I see my psychiatrist this week, so I’ll talk to her. My borderline symptoms are evident more than ever, which I didn’t even realize. My mom’s apparently been doing more research and told me.
She said impulsivity is a huge symptom of borderline which is often acted out in
- binging….. check
- reckless driving… check
- uncontrollable spending… check
I obviously knew the binging was bad but i never thought it was linked to borderline… and I never even knew reckless driving and spending would be related to borderline… I’m really confused. But the thing is, I haven’t even been diagnosed borderline because you have to be 18… so just a few more months.
I just want a diagnosis for everything else thats wrong with me. I don’t get it. I don’t understand.
